You also need to be clear about how not to do it! Here is David Clutterbuck’s light-hearted take on what he calls ‘toxic mentoring’.
The 12 habits of a toxic MENTEE
- Bring to the first formal meeting a long shopping list of things you want the mentor to do for you.
- Expect the mentor to be available for you whenever you want them. (Heroes never need sleep!)
- Regard the mentor as your prime source of gossip to pass on to other people.
- Expect the mentor always to have the answer – that’s why they are more senior.
- Expect the mentor to decide when to meet and what to talk about.
- Boast about the relationship to your colleagues at every opportunity.
- Never challenge what the mentor says – they are paid to know best.
- Blame the mentor whenever advice doesn’t work out – they should have known better.
- Treat mentoring sessions as mobile, the easiest item in the diary to move at the last minute.
- Enjoy the opportunity to have a good moan or whinge whenever you meet, especially if no one else will listen to you.
- Make it clear to the mentor that you want to be just like them – adopt their style of speaking, dress and posture.
- Never commit to doing anything as a result of the mentoring session.
- If, by accident, you do commit to something, simply forget to follow it up. (Why spoil the fun of discussion with outcomes?)
The 12 habits of a toxic MENTOR
- Start from the point of view that you – from your vast experience and broader perspective – know better than the mentee what’s in his or her interest.
- Be determined to share your wisdom with the mentee whether they want it or not; remind them frequently how much they still have to learn.
- Decide what you and the mentee will talk about and when. Change dates and themes frequently to prevent complacency sneaking in.
- Do most of the talking, checking frequently that the mentee is paying attention.
- Make sure the mentee understands how trivial their concerns are compared to the weighty issues you have to deal with.
- Remind the mentee how fortunate they are to have your undivided attention.
- Neither show nor admit any personal weaknesses. Expect to be the mentee’s role model in all aspects of career development and personal values.
- Never ask the mentee what they think they should expect of you – how would they know anyway?
- Demonstrate how important and well connected you are by sharing confidential information they don’t need (or want) to know.
- Discourage any signs of levity or humour. This is a serious business and should be treated as such.
- Take the mentee to task when they don’t follow your advice.
- Never, never admit that this could be a learning experience for you, too.