Words are only part of the message and people don’t always say what they mean. Body language is an excellent indication of how people really feel. Being able to ‘read’ body language is an art that allows you to perceive what others are actually thinking. By focusing on someone’s body language, you can discover their true feelings towards you and about what you are saying. It’s a skill that is beyond value in social as well as workplace situations, and if someone is being less than honest, their body language will usually give them away.
Using body language successfully involves four stages:
- Learn what to look for.
- Recognise people’s body language so you can ‘read’ them better.
- Recognise your own body language.
- Control your own body language and use it to your advantage so you give the right messages to other people.
If your workplace brings you into contact with people from different nationalities and cultures, be careful with the first stage, learning what to look for. There are many body language gestures that are universal – but there are many that are not! Take care not to give or take offence unwittingly because of these differences.
The following information relates to body language in Western cultures only.
Clusters and changes
It takes a number of ‘signals’ to give you the full picture – one gesture doesn’t prove how the other person is thinking. The fact that they have their arms folded may mean that they are being defensive about something – but it may simply mean that they are feeling cold.
Look instead for clusters – several individual bits of body language that fit together to tell the same story. Look also for any changes in the person’s body language as you speak to them. This can give you an accurate picture of what they think about what you are saying.
Facial expression and head position
We all have a wide range of facial expressions that are very easily interpreted by whoever is watching us. If you watch someone’s expressions and notice their gestures and the position of their head as well, it can be possible to work out what they are saying without even hearing their words. In most cultures, nodding and shaking the head indicates ‘yes’ and ‘no’, and watching for negative head movements, however slight, is an easy way to spot when someone has an objection or is in doubt about something.
There are three basic head positions. The first is a neutral position. The second is where the head is tilted slightly to one side, indicating interest. If this is coupled with a smile, clearly it means the person is feeling very positive! The third position is where the head is down, indicating a negative attitude. Watch out for inappropriate facial expressions. For example, if a smile is maintained fixedly for too long, it might be masking negative feelings.
Posture
The way we hold our bodies is important. If someone’s posture is relaxed, with their arms behind their back or by their side, they are probably feeling open, confident and friendly. But even a simple change in their body position can indicate anger or antipathy. If they have their hands on their hips, watch out – this is a classic aggression signal! If a person leans slightly towards you, it can suggest they are interested, friendly and approachable. If their feet are turned towards you, you have their attention. If they lean away from you, however, it could indicate lack of interest, boredom or even dislike. Leaning backwards tends to give very strong ‘stay away’ messages. An upright posture denotes assertiveness and confidence, but possibly a lack of emotion too, while slouching indicates a lack of confidence.
Eye contact
Looking someone in the eye establishes a real basis for communication. It tells you that:
- The other person is aware of you
- They are interested in you.
People can seem honest or untrustworthy according to the amount of eye contact they make. Someone who is being dishonest will meet our eyes for less than a third of the time – successful con-artists understand this, and will deliberately make extra eye contact in order to appear genuine and trustworthy.
Of all the parts of the human body, our eyes are probably the most expressive. Our pupils dilate and contract according to mood. If the person’s pupils are small, it’s possible that they are hostile or in some other way negative. If they are large, they are probably feeling positive. To establish a good rapport with someone, it’s probably best to meet their gaze about 60–70% of the time. Blink rates can be equally revealing. People normally blink about six to eight times a minute. If this slows down, it can indicate that the person has lost interest or is bored by what you are saying.
Personal space
It is important not to intrude on someone’s intimate and personal space if we want to maintain a professional relationship with them. This includes taking care not to make too much eye contact or stand too close.
Our society also has unwritten rules about touching each other. People in crowded lifts, on public transport or in supermarket queues who are forced to touch each other avoid speech and eye contact in order to lessen the intrusion. Generally, the only acceptable touching between strangers is the handshake when saying ‘hello’ and ‘goodbye’.
Take great care to recognise how cultural diversity influences all aspects of verbal and non-verbal behaviour.
